by Patti
Last night I spent over an hour going through marketing
emails that I never asked to receive, unsubscribing myself from all of them. Want a sample? Let’s see…. InStyle, Daily
Makeover, Groupon, 10(!) different real estate agents, LinkedIn, American
Airlines, PetSmart, Apple, Trulia, 4 different Crains newsletters, some random
energy company, an email from an 'As Seen on TV' company, Social Security(???),
RISMedia, Us Weekly, Small Business Chicago…(PAUSING TO TAKE A BREATH)… Genie
Bra (What? Did S – who is currently obsessed with bras – sign me up?), Chicago
Business, Printable Coupons, Hotels.com, Carnival Cruises, Borne Company, Bally
Total Fitness, Brain Bench, Barak Obama, Plato's Closet, Chicago Association of
Realtors, Fresnobee, Orchard Bank, Rebecca – offering me a ‘Credit Card
Bailout!’, Suzanne – offering me a ‘Mortgage Bailout!’ (Interestingly, NOBODY
OFFERED ME A SPAM BAILOUT!)… But wait!
There’s more! I just won’t ‘Spam’ you with the details.
During the process of unsubscribing, some of the
‘unsubscribe’ pop-ups were actually angry about it. One even exclaimed, “You jerk!” Another tried to play it cool
and simply said, “See ya!” Others were
more melancholy about our parting, saying, “We will miss you”, or “We are sad
to see you go.”
But the kicker was the one who simply refused to believe I
wanted to break up with it. “Are you sure?”
it asked me. I clicked the “YES”(I am SURE!) box and submitted it. Another box
popped up, “Please tell us why…” and I actually had to type out my reason for
ending our totally one-sided relationship. Do you know how awkward that is? Once I submitted that, yet another box popped up, “We will send you
an email shortly to confirm your decision. You are still subscribed until you
click on the confirmation email.” I waited for the email. It never came. It
still hasn’t come.
I have the feeling I will be seeing another marketing
message from this company again. I’m sure it will just use the excuse that I
never confirmed my break-up with it. I am
being Fatal Attractioned by Spam.
