Bait and Switch

by Cathy

My co-worker Mary and I were ordering Chinese food the other day at the office and while on the topic of hot and spicy entrees, we drifted into relationship talk. She confessed to me with a worried smile that as an older (not old) widow, she will never get to experience being kissed or held by a man again and how sad that was. I just laughed and shared with her the following story:

Last night, while watching a sitcom about relationships with my husband, I realized I've been a victim of Bait and Switch.

As the pretend television couple was arguing over romance and how one of them likes it (surprisingly, the guy) and the other thinks it's a bunch of baloney (surprisingly, the girl), I got the impression that the duped party had come to terms with accepting that he will never experience the romance he wanted within that particular relationship (surprisingly, he came to terms with that). Was that man me?

Don't get me wrong - when I first met Joe, he was all about the romance. Since we met in the workplace, every morning I was greeted by a cup of Starbucks coffee sitting on my desk, little notes tucked into my inbox, a bouquet of flowers and a million little emails and calls throughout the day about nothing. He held my hand when we were out on dates and was fiercely jealous.

Fast forward 14 years and two kids later. I make my own coffee most days, I receive a bouquet of daisies on the prerequisite holidays if I'm lucky, and the emails, calls and notes are usually reminders about paying some bill or upcoming school activity. Hand holding is pretty much instigated by me. And the jealousy? Yeah. Notsomuch. Now granted, he is very caring and and thoughtful - he just doesn't express it as much as he used to. 

We all know that our lives now are not as carefree or stressfree as they were when we were younger and dating. Regardless, I found an opportunity to point out that this pretend television couple was remarkably like us except reversed. I calmly announced that he did the Bait and Switch number on me where romance is concerned. He reeled me in with Romance Bait and when he snagged his prey, he let the fishing line drop. He laughed with a "Yeah, right."

Do men not realize these things? Maybe not. Maybe it's our job to make it known that we women like to be romanced now and then - not just when we're being courted or during the fresh, new years of marriage. "Of course," said Mary with emphasis, recalling her early years. "They pull out all the stops to get what they want." So you see Mary, you're not missing out on much after all.

The point here is that I know Joe is capable of romance. I'm not expecting him hire El Divo to serenade me or to get on his knee and recite Shakespeare. But...romance, oh romance...where art thou?