"The Talk"

We've all heard about having "the talk" with our kids about the birds and the bees. We've seen various scenarios on television shows and in movies or heard about them from friends. But nothing compares to when you actually sit down with your child and have these blunt, grown-upy conversations with them. You somehow both emerge changed.

For a while now, I have been sensing that my 10-year old has been itching to ask me questions about puberty, periods and having babies. I can see her confusion when she watches a Kotex commercial or when she observes a "baby making" conversation in a movie. The icing on the cake was when she asked me a few weeks ago, "Mom, how do you know when you're pregnant? Do you just find out?"

As much as I reveled in her innocence, I couldn't continue to play this game just to reassure myself they are still little and satisfy my need to keep my kids safe from life's harsh realities. She'll have to find out eventually and I don't want her to find out from anyone else. Her class will be studying health education this year so I didn't want her to go in completely clueless in front of her friends.

Setting the precendence of openess and honesty between me and my daughters is something that I have always promised myself I would do because it not only bonds our relationship but is also necessary for my inclusion in their lives as they navigate through the bumpy and awkward years ahead of them. So many life changes, both emotional and physical are ahead of them; and I want to be their guide and go-to person for those important rites of passage.

I've been promising her that we'll have a "girls day" so we can go out alone and talk about all of the grown up stuff and she had been looking forward to it. But since then, a bad cold and cough has grounded her, so I decided that last night, since we were alone in the house, would be the perfect time to have our 'chat'.

First, I asked her to tell me everything she already knew/read/heard about puberty and periods. It was so cute to see her exhibit uncertainty, shyness, embarrassment, awkwardness and hesitation mixed with curiosity. We went through it all, complete with hand-drawn diagrams of a woman's reproductive system and hands-on exhibits of feminine hygiene products. Whew! I felt relief when that was over and she seemed content with the descriptive lecture.

However, just when you think it's safe to go back in the water...
"Mom," she asked after a long pause, "I have one more question. How do you get pregnant?" Luckily, my back was to her so she couldn't see my wide-eyed expression as I furiously bought time by clinking and clanking the dishes I was putting away and murmuring something about 'too much stuff in this kitchen'. But this was it. If we were going to do this, we would do it all the way.

So we had that conversation as I tried to give her as much information as she would need to understand how it all worked without getting very specific. She had some very well thought-out questions. Before I knew it, it was over. She was satisfied with quenching her curiosity and I breathed another long sigh of relief.

Later that night, I asked her how she felt about our discussions.
"Releived," she said. That made me feel awesome.
I casually mentioned something to her about how she wasn't so little anymore and how she's growing up before my eyes. She got very confused and said, "Why?"
"Well, we just had a convesation about sex, for goodness sake," I said matter-of-factly without making eye contact.
She waited a bit and said with a shaky voice, "Well, just because we talked about all of that doesn't mean that I'm still not your little girl. I will always be your little girl."

I gave her a long, hard hug. This is one of the things I love about my over-emotional, big-hearted little girl. She always knows exactly what to make these awkward moments more bearable. Just like her mommy.

-Cathy