Insole Insult

One night, I was getting ready to go out to some industry event and was struggling between wearing my hot, trendy, can-only-sit-down-in-them shoes, or my more comfortable but frumpier looking shoes. Of course, I chose the former; can't be vain without pain.

In an attempt to curb some of the excruciating pain I knew I would be feeling that night, I had the bright idea to look for some shoe insoles that would make bearable the board stiff soles of those hot shoes, which felt just fine during the 1.2 minutes I wore them when I tried them on and BOUGHT them. After tossing stuff out of drawers and cabinets for several minutes, I ran across a super comfy gel insole that I had...brace yourself...ripped out of a magazine. There was ONE insole glued to the ad in the magazine as a sample. And I kept it. And that's the one I wore. Just one. So I said, "What the heck. I'll just keep switching it from shoe to shoe throughout the night and I'll be good as gold." I was so proud at myself for being 'quick on my feet' and thoroughly resourceful. I rocked.

As the night went on, I discovered I couldn't casually go off in a corner to switch the insoles out of my shoes while conversing with friends or balancing my drink. So I left it in the same shoe. Since I was standing so long, that foot started getting swollen since I had less room in there to accommodate expanding, tired feet. I made a quick exit to remove it, hastily shoved it in my purse and sucked up the pain for the rest of the night.

The next day, I had to make a quick run to Jewel for some milk. I slipped on my comfy walking shoes and grabbed my purse. At the checkout counter, I opened my purse and pulled out my wallet. There, like Pinocchio's nose protruding off his flat face, the black insole, which had conveniently stuck itself onto my white wallet, stayed pointing skyward for several seconds before flopping over to one side and kept bouncing there.

Boing...boing...boing it went, slowing down with every bounce. I just stood there, along with the three other people in line and the young checkout girl, whose mouth was ajar in amazement, staring at this most ridiculous sight. Do you know how sometimes you are shocked so much by something that it takes you a while to process what's going on? That was me at the Jewel checkout line that moment.

I quickly ripped that insole off my wallet, shoved it back into my purse, hurriedly paid for my milk, and strode off.

At home, I immediately removed that insole from my purse before I would pull out my lip gloss or cell phone tomorrow and have that thing stuck to it. Then I poured myself a glass of wine and settled into my sectional to relax.

My feet were killing me.


-Cathy