The Bedtime Big-Top

Ladies and gentlemen!
Boys and girls!
Children of all ages!
Welcome to the three-ring circus I call bedtime at my house, with yours truly as the ringmaster.

The following is a typical night at our house:

Me: "Girls! Get ready for bed! Go brush your teeth!" (This is said no less than 20 times.)

Once they are settled with their pajamas on and in bed:

B: "I didn't have my snack!"
A: "Me too!"

They both get up and have a bowl of cereal, of which Bella eats all of it and Ari eats half of.
Back in bed.

B: "I have to go to the bathroom."
A: "Me too."
Back in bed.

B: "I forgot to blow my nose." This entails her spraying her saline spray into her nose and blowing with at least five tissues. She then gets a nosebleed. I have to go into the bathroom to get her more tissues and a Q-Tip coated with petroleum jelly so she can clot the bleeding and moisten the inside of her nose.
Settled back in.

A: "I'm hungry."

B: "Ooops. I forgot to get my water." She always keeps a fresh cup of water next to her bed, which she might need in the middle of the night, when she never gets up.

A: "I'm thirsty too." A cup of water for her.

Me: "Ari, did you brush your teeth?"

A: "No. I wanna do it now."
Brush. Back to bed.

A: "Can you read me a bedtime story?" Sometimes I do this depending on the time and the level of my frustration thus far.

B: "Has anyone seen my eye mask? I can't sleep without my eye mask." Search ensues. Back to bed.

A: "Mommy, can you lay with me for a few minutes?" I sit on her bed.

B: "Mommy, can you tuck me in?" I get up to tuck Bella in. I also tuck in Ari. When I do so, she says, "Can you scratch my arms?" So naturally, if I do this, Bella wants her arms scratched too. So I scratch both girls' arms and tuck them back in again.
Sit back on bed.

A: "We forgot to do our prayves." (Ari's word for prayers.) So we all recite our bedtime prayer and sit there while Ari goes through all of the little one-liner prayers she's learned at school.
We settle back down.

B: "Can we turn off the closet light?" It's too bright in here." Turn that off and turn on Hello Kitty night light. Bella complains that it's still too bright.

A: "I'm hot! I wanna change into my nightgown." Back in bed.

B: "Can we turn on the air? It's too hot in here." Air, check.

A: "I lost my Princess Doggie Cuddles. I can't sleep without that." Search ensues in the mountain of stuffed animals stacked in the corner of her bed and in the toy pile on the floor next to her bed. We find it and I try to leave the room.

A: "Mommy wait, I'm scared!"
I really give her something to be scared of by threatening her into staying in her bed and I leave the room and shut the door. I go either in to the kitchen or in my bedroom.
I hear their bedroom door creak open.

B: "Mommy, I have a headache." I get up and give her Motrin. And leave the room again.

Their bedroom door creaks open again.

A: "Mommy, can I lay in your bed?" A resounding NO comes from me and my half-asleep husband and I walk her back to her bed. I head back to my room again.

Crrreeeaaaakkk.

B: "I just want to give you another goodnight hug and kiss." I do that for the fourth time that night and she heads back to her bed.

Crrreeeeaaaakkkk.

A: She shows up next to me with big puppy dog eyes, clutching her pillow and stuffed animals, showing me she's scared. I raise my voice and shoo her back to her bed, telling them both that I've had enough.

Then, and only then, do they stay in bed, and eventually fall asleep. Or so I thought.

Crreeeaaakkk.

B: "Mommy, Ari asleep and I just want to let you know that I took my Motrin. Can I give you another hug and a goodnight kiss?" Sure. "And oh, by the way...Ari farts in her sleep."

I break out into laughter because at this point, I would start crying if I didn't.

By now it's 11pm, I'm exhausted, they're over-exhausted and I've had to resort to raising my voice and scaring the little one to sleep.

So I get up and do what comes naturally: I get up to make popcorn for tomorrow night's circus show, all the while laughing and thinking how we're one elephant and one clown short of the real thing.

-Cathy