E.T. Phone Home. NOW!

by Patti

A few years ago, Cathy and I thought it would be fun to take the girls to a movie in the park. They were showing E.T., my all-time favorite movie when I was a kid. Do you know how much I cried at that movie when I was 11 years old? Like, A LOT. That poor little bug-eyed creature, all wrinkly and pneumonia-plagued, covered with an itchy blanket, just wanting to go home. Call me crazy, but I couldn’t wait to share the angst with S. I described the movie to her, and that we would be watching in the park, and she was rarin’ to go.

The day of the movie, I found Cathy and her family already at the park. Her in-laws, who lived in the high rise overlooking the park, had come, too. They were all gnawing on corn-on-the-cob and spread out all over the place; it was quite the site to behold. I found a patch of grass next to the corn-on-the-cob crew, and laid down my blanket. The screen, a huge blow-up number, was already set up, and kids were running around like maniacs in the dusk, killing time until the movie started. There was a summery breeze in the air, but in the distance I could see clouds gathering. Knowing S was more-than-terrified of storms, I did my best to block her view to the clouds. Nothing was going to ruin this night.

Finally, the sun began to sink and the movie started to flicker on the screen. We all settled in, getting cozy on top of one another. There was some whispering going on behind me, and I turned to see Cathy’s mother-in-law trying to pawn off the corn. She was offering corn-on-the-cob to everyone around her. There was some shuffling of corn, and then some shush-ing, and then FINALLY everybody got settled in. Because nothing was going to ruin this night.

The movie got into full-swing, and I squeezed S in anticipation. I couldn’t wait for her to see the hunk of cute that was E.T. And finally, there he was! As wrinkly and bug-eyed and just plain damned adorable as I remembered. I was 11 years old again, except this time I was with my own kid, happy to share it with her. I looked over to Cathy and her family, and I could see that Bella was looking at little... uncomfortable. “Is she okay?” I whispered to Cathy.

“She is afraid of E.T.”, Cathy whispered back, “She thinks he’s weird.”

I looked back at the screen, my E.T. staggering around the kitchen, drunk on beer. I looked down at S to see if she was afraid. She wasn’t even looking at the movie; she was looking at the SKY with a worried expression. “Mom…. It looks like it’s going to rain.” I looked up, too. Those clouds that had earlier been in the distance were now overhead, and they looked more swollen than ever. Suddenly the sky lit up in the distance. “Mom! It's going to rain!”

I looked over to Cathy and her family; they seemed oblivious to the lighting. Instead, Cathy was busy comforting Bella, who was now completely curled up against her. “E.T.?” I asked. Cathy nodded. All I heard for the next 10 minutes was an annoying combination of, “Mom! It’s going to rain!”, and “Mom! He’s weird, I’m scared!”, and “Do you want some corn?”

Suddenly, BOOM! There was a crack of thunder so intense, my teeth vibrated. Then the movie screen started to sway, looking as drunk as E.T. “MOM! MOM! MOM!” S frantically climbed into my lap. I looked over again to Cathy, and Bella's head was now under a blanket.

“Sorry, Patti. Bella is too scared of E.T.; we’re gonna go.” Her husband had gone to get the car, and Cathy started to gather up the blankets and picnic stuff. At that very moment, the sky opened up and from it fell the hardest rain I had ever felt. All around me people were scattering at bionic speeds, gathering kids and blankets and coolers. I looked up to ask Cathy if she would give me a ride to my car, which I had parked what now seemed a billion miles away. BUT SHE WAS ALREADY GONE, the ditcher.

I scooped up a wailing S into my arms, and began to run. It didn’t help that I was wearing thonged kitten heels. Who wears thonged kitten heels to a park? My feet slipped with each step, and S was screaming in my ear. “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! I’m SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARED!” I ran and ran, dodging the bullets of rain, praying to not get struck by the lighting that was now flashing non-stop, gripping S with all my motherly might. Half-way to my car, I ducked into a building. The rain was so intense, it literally hurt when it hit my face. S was trembling, and refused to let me put her down. She was wrapped around me like seaweed, all soggy and tangled. Once I caught my breath and I could feel my face again, I started running again to my car. I finally spotted it in the distance, a beacon.

We finally made it, and we both got inside. Safe, at last! I turned to S; she was shaking, soaking wet, her face was red and puffy, her hair was matted against her head. “So, did you like the movie?”