Perfect Timing

by Cathy

Don't you sometimes marvel at the timing your kids have?

I could be washing dishes or folding laundry or making dinner, and they are contently occupied drawing, playing on the computer, watching TV or doing homework. Or they could be in their room, making goofy videos of themselves on my iPhone singing their version of Beyonce's "I'm a single lady, I'm a single lady. I'm a single lady, I'm a single lady..." while jiggling around like Shakira. Either way, they're occupied, which when realized, sets off a DING! in my head that I should take advantage of this time and get in some R&R.

So I grab a snack, settle into the big, cozy leather sectional in our living room, throw my feet up on the table, set my water glass down and pick up the remote. As the television is powering up, I situate my blanket, pillows and snack accordingly. On the remote, I scroll down the list of DVR'd programs, finding my shows nestled among the series of iCarly, Wizards of Waverly Place and Shake It Up episodes clogging my List feature. Then...jackpot. "Oooooh, Parenthood!" I say excitedly. Click and......

"Mooooom?"
Hard sigh.
"Yes?" I say, naturally annoyed, hitting pause.

The following response could be one of:

"Bella hit me"
"I need help with my homework"
"Where's the flashlight?"
"Ari won't leave me alone"
"The shower curtain rod fell down!"
"Where's papi?"
"Do we have anymore toilet paper?"
"I need help on the computer"
"Ari dropped your iPhone"
"I can't find my book/eyemask/iPod/other slipper/homework"

Once the crisis has been addressed, it doesn't stop there. Ari is now aware that I have settled into the living room couch, is bored with her sister and wants to keep me company. So while I'm trying to watch my show, now with the volume turned up to 68, she skips in and out, hums, asks me to color with her, brings in Chutes and Ladders or puzzles, flips/climbs/jumps/hurdles/straddles/leaps onto the sectional every which way and repeatedly enough so that she looks like a wind-up toy on turbo.

This doesn't only happen when I want some downtime. Like clockwork - I am not even kidding you here - my kids have a sixth sense for when Joe and I want some alone time. As soon as we starting hugging or kissing, even touching, the sound of little running feet pattering down the hallway is heard and BAM! there's Ari standing/pounding at our door. The same goes for when we settle in on the computer, ready to tackle a long overdue project, answer some work emails, or yes, even write these blog posts.

"Can I play [insert computer game here]?"
"Can I check my email?"
"I have a school project to do on the computer"
"Can  you make me some waffles for a snack?"
"Ooooh, can I see??"
"Can you call next door and see if G can have a playdate?"

To be fair, it's not only my kids, but outsiders as well, that know the exact time I have settled into my downtime/bathtime/computer time/TV time. How is it that the phone rings right at the exact second I sit down? How? I've even become paranoid that there is a little Annoyance Camera set up somewhere within our house that everyone but me is monitoring, ready to pounce on me the minute they see me get comfortable.

I'm not sure what I can do to avoid this 'perfect timing' of things, but in the meantime, I will keep trying to take a break when I get a break. And even when I don't.

Oh look! I finished this post! I only worked through eighteen interruptions, so I hope it makes sense.