Dr. Google

by Patti

I made a startling realization the other day: Unless I Google "how to breathe in 5 easy steps", I may simply stop breathing.

I have become so reliant on Google for every answer to every question in my life, I am afraid I would not know how to survive without it. I have become the master of DIY in most every aspect of life, all thanks to Google. I taught myself how to use almost every software, how to rebuild a computer, how to zap computer viruses, how to heal a cold sore before it even happens, how to simplify fractions, how to hem pants without thread, how to rewire a chandelier, how to discipline my child....

Speaking of child, Google was just becoming its crazy, all-knowing self when I was pregnant. Do you know how dangerous Google is when you are pregnant? If you are pregnant right this very minute, don't do it. DO NOT GOOGLE. Because if you do, you will be certain your child will be born with 3 heads. You will also be certain that that tuna sandwich you just ate? Will be responsible for the 9 fingers instead of 10. I Googled myself into hysteria when I was pregnant, and Googled my unborn child into sideshow freak before I even met her. So, yes, although Google most definitely has its uses, it can also scare the ever-living crap out of you. (And yes, Google will also warn you that you will probably crap while giving birth. For this, I was glad to be prepared. Thanks, Google!)

Apart from the dangers of Google, the savior side of Google is downright awe-inducing. I am blown away by the fact that I can type in "how do people walk on fire?" and FIND AN ANSWER! Curious? Allow me: How do people walk on fire? 
I mean, really? There is NO WAY my parents would ever have known this in their day of wanting to know stuff. They would have had to drive to the library and paw through thousands of books to find the answer. And even then, it may have remained a mystery. But thanks to Google, I know this.

Google has been my know-it-all friend, time after time. Is my daughter's fever too high? Am I too fat? How do I install under-cabinet lighting? How much did my neighbor pay for his house? Are there any molesters living on my block? What are the symptoms of menopause? How do I import data from Excel into a PDF form?

Indeed, I have become a WikiPatti. I know something about everything. And if I don't know the answer, I just Google it, and then, just like that, I know it. Perhaps I am too dependent on Google and all its remedies. In fact, I might actually even be addicted; who knows? The signs of addiction can be quite elusive, so it's hard to tell.

Oh wait! Let me Google that.