My Mini Me

by Cathy

In writing this blog, it's so easy for me to get caught up in panic mode over my babies growing up. It happens moreso as it pertains to my youngest child, Ari, because with her, the sting of my kids growing up is felt much more sharply since I know she is the last one I will go through all of the major milestones with. And so for me, they are tinged with bittersweetness. Bella's milestones, on the other hand, have more of a happily freeing and wondrous complexity about them, since she is the first.

This weekend, Bella is turning 11. Considering all of the above, I am okay with this. Perhaps it's because I don't view 11 as a defining age. Yes, she's past ten but it's sort of an in-between age. Now 12, I will freak out about since I know this is the road to true Teenagerville, but looking ahead, it's 13 that will really floor me. As I shade my eyes from the glaring reality of that future road and its long, bumpy and winding path, I turn and focus on the road Bella is now on.


After my recent trip to Cabo - which was the first time I had left the girls for a long period of time - I returned to find a different Bella. She seemed more mature...motherly, even. The stories Joe told me of how she stepped up while I was away, confirmed it. Over the course of five days, Bella had really grown into her confidence and her abilities. She took charge of things: she knew where I stored things, she knew how I organized them, she knew how things were done, she read Ari bedtime stories and tucked her into bed, she helped pack both of their school lunches every morning, she kept the house tidy and even did some chores without being asked.

As I watched some of this behavior trickle over into the first few days I was back, I was amazed and SO proud. How come I didn't see this in her before? Was it because I wasn't looking hard enough or because she never had the freedom and the opportunity to showcase her maturity under my foreboding, all-knowing shadow? Was it because I was there doing everything for her and she felt complacent or because she felt she couldn't 'step on my toes and take charge with things while I was there? Have I given her any of these impressions for or against her behavior?

Bella has always been an impressionable child. Things stick with her. She is careful to always do well, to watch my reactions to her actions, and although I never asked this of her, she thinks it important to gain my approval. She pays attention to the way I handle things, she listens to the things I opine on and the random facts I spew out in the moment and may repeat them all-knowingly when the situation calls for it. She loves to read and is diligent about homework and studying when she gets in the zone. She tends to be more reserved - more of a listener...an observer rather than a talker. She is a people-pleaser. She is sensitive and emotional and wears her heart on her sleeve. I always joke that she "has a heart as big as Montana." She loves and has connected with the Greek side of her culture by writing, speaking and understanding the language more dedicatedly than her sister. She takes a practical, logical straightforward thinking approach to resolving conflicts. "But that just doesn't make sense," she tells me in response to someone else's suggested solution. I agree. Because in short? She is me.

As she is coming into her own in these pre-teen years, I notice the slight shifts that normally occur with adolescence. For example, she thankfully doesn't feel the need to seek my approval for many things anymore since she is working on learning to be more decisive on her own accord. I also get a lot of eye-rolling from her at the goofiness of my humor - even though she has a goofy humorous side, it's just weird when your mom does it, I'm sure. And she is now quick to teach me random facts about things she has discovered.

Just as I am focused on taking in every last little milestone with Ari, I am making it a point to take in every change and benchmark in Bella's life -- to be more cognizant of how she is growing; to take a good look at her and really see her, the person she is down, deep inside; to be aware of how her body is changing, becoming more womanly; to really take in the shift in nuances of her personality, her character, her ideas, her likes and dislikes, her thought process and reasoning; to really listen and focus only on her as she tells me things.

Most of all, I want to make it a point to continue having our little pre-bedtime conversations as I tuck her in in their dimly-lit bedroom where Ari is already asleep, where she reveals to me all her secrets, hopes, fears and thoughts.

That, I can only hope, will never change, no matter how old she is.