by Cathy
Patti has often "accused" me of having delusional confidence.
I say "accused" because she sees it as a cray-cray way to live and think about things. As if I am not a realist. On the contrary, I am as far away from a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mentality as they come when it comes to certain things. I weigh, analyze, scrutinize, rework, reinvent the situation so that I can get the best of both worlds between any two options I am considering. However, I do believe that a healthy dose of throw-caution-to-the-wind confidence is necessary now and then to really allow yourself to dream and perhaps even, get what you want. That is The Secret after all, isn't it?
I realized recently, with quite the proverbial slap in the face, that I get this 'delusional confidence' trait from mother.
I am currently in the stressed-out, elbow-deep, insanely time-sucking, absurdly-infuriating, patience-testing process of helping my parents find a house. After almost 40 years of living a certain way, with a certain routine, and a certain amount of space in a beautiful two-flat they have to sell due to extenuating circumstances, they are now lurched into this life-altering process in their golden years - a time that should be relaxing and stress-free.
As if this all weren't enough, we are at the mercy of a fickle, wobbly real estate market, greedy banks and lengthy approvals, sketchy buyers and sellers, mortgage companies, underwriters, agents and real estate attorneys who have no sense of urgency. Time is money and opportunity, people!
I, being the eldest daughter of two, and the closest in proximity to my parents' residence now, have been spearheading their current sale and necessary house-hunting efforts for the past six months. I've gone with them through the high of every potential gleaming opportunity and the disappointing, heart-crushing low of every squashed hope, missed opportunity and crumpled deal. I am physically and mentally exhausted.
Now, don't get me wrong. I would do anything for my parents and the absolute best thing I would wish for them in this world is to find something that makes them happy, because then? I would have blissful peace of mind. However, changing the mindset of an older generation in the way they live has proven to be a gargantuan task for me, since their list of strict requirements doesn't allow any wiggle room. I understand they should never settle for less than what they want, but realistically, with the parameters they have in place within their budget, I just don't see it happening. At least not in the near future. But my delusional confident mother won't back down.
Perfectly suitable homes have been rejected because (and I am not making this up): there are too many big trees/trees on the property, it's on too busy of a street, it's on too quiet of a street, there's not enough storage (and there never will be because DUH, no house has enough storage as a two-flat building!), the kitchen doesn't have enough room for a table (or if it does, there's not enough counter space, obviously), the dining room is too small to fit the three sideboards they have, too many stairs, too steep stairs, too dark, it's in what neighborhood? and at what price range?
I've explained to them many times that they may have to downsize their furniture and alter their expectations - no one takes pride in ownership like the way my mother kept that building and it''s evident by the immense amount of crap out there. (Honestly, how do people live this way?!!)
No, we cannot all have our cake and eat it too, but my delusional confident mom thinks so. And I hope for her sake (and for mine) she is right.
