There's No Use in Planning

by Cathy and Patti

Making plans. Keeping a schedule.
It's the trademark of a super organized person, and by far,  it's the biggest, if not the most important, component of parenting. You learn quickly from your mistakes - not keeping to a nap schedule, forgetting diapers, a pacifier, a change of clothes, snacks, water bottles, books, crafts, toys - that once a vital item is forgotten or overlooked, you will make damn sure to plan ahead so it doesn't happen again.

After a decade of this planning and scheduling and staying on a routine, we now have it down to a science. This way of life has crept over from parenting territory into our personal territory. We are now much more responsible, thoughtful, cautionary and seasoned when it comes to managing our personal lives. We plan ahead. We plan every detail. We plan for the unexpected, for the what-ifs, for per chances, for the rare occurrences. In fact, we have at least two plans for every necessary plan-making occasion.

This past week, in the midst of our daily Gmail chatting routine, we remembered that the birthday of our good girlfriend Michelle is approaching, and wouldn't it be fun if we plan a night to take her out?

So naturally, we start doing what we do best: Start laying some stellar action plans.

Cathy:
The only problem was? That these plans involved other people besides us. And those people? Had no idea we were weaving them into our web of evening-crashing, yet well-intended planning. After some trigger-fingered online chatting, we agreed that Patti would send the email to Michelle to set the date and cc me. Once that was done, she hopped back on chat.

Immediately, we start setting up scenarios for the different possible dates and nights we were considering for the outing. It went something like this:

Patti: "If we do it on Friday night, I'll have to ask my mom to sleep over since M won't be home."
Cathy: "Oooooor," I tossed back, "you could drop off S at our house along with the dog and Joe can watch them all!"
Patti: "Ooooh, that would work and would be fun for the girls!"
Cathy: "Of course! Either way we have a plan."

But do we?

Patti: "How funny, we are making all these plans and Michelle hasn't even confirmed. So us."
Cathy: "LOL. Indeed. Joe has no clue either."

Patti: "Of course not. SO US. Funny, too, cuz we make all these grand delusional plans, and then we end up flying by the seat of our pants anyway."
Cathy: "Yes, that is so true! Why IS that? See just goes to show there's no use in planning."

Sometimes, there really IS no use in planning. Haven't you ever had a well-laid out plan for an evening out but everything ends up going to shit? It just wasn't meant to happen the way you planned it, and then you force it and then it ends up being the disaster it was meant to be. But we plan anyway, because that's just how we're wired.

Patti:
I'm not the best planner. Never have been. I "planned" my wedding via a few phone calls and emails and showed up to get hitched on a ship 1,000 miles from home, never having laid eyes on my flowers, my cake, or my officiant. But it worked. Obviously. Hell, even my kid was left to chance. And that worked out better than I could have ever expected. So, yes, I leave a lot to "it'll all work out!", and, thankfully, it usually does.

However, I have become much, much more "planful" since becoming a mother, and I amaze even myself at how grown-up that makes me feel. Yes, I realize I'm kind of old and that I probably should feel like a grown-up by now, but do you ever feel, like, so totally 16 in your head, and then you look in the mirror, and JESUS! WHAT HAPPENED? No? Well, that happens to me all the time, hence the "Wow! I'm a grown-up!" realizations. It feels so weird to plan events weeks in advance, because I have to, to line up baby-sitters, and plan Spring Break activities, and work my vacations around school vacations. All so grown up!

But apparently, despite my new grown-uppy status, I have yet to master planning. I must be doing something wrong, because I either get all crazy-delirious with my planning and start including people that have NO idea that they are being planned for within an inch of their lives, or I totally underplan and suddenly find myself with 10 guests in my house and not enough forks.

It just seems that even if I do find the right balance with my planning, it matters not. I will still find “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.” In other words, ha! Why did I bother? I can't even begin to tell you how many of my carefully laid plans just blew up in my face. Dare I say, it seems that things somehow always turn out better when I don't plan? Sure, there have been times that The Plan Gods totally called me out on my disrespect for the art of planning - like that one time when M and I flew to Italy and then walked around the country, dragging our suitcases behind us, with no place to stay because we hadn't reserved a hotel. But I can honestly say that for the most part? There's no use in planning! All it does is set up expectations that then only lead to disillusion and disappointment.

So! I hereby declare NOT planning the new planning. Let's put down our calendars, our itineraries, our to-do lists... and dare to just go with the flow.

And let's hope Michelle is okay with that.