Bread, Bras, and Brows!

by Patti


I am writing this at nearly 10:30 pm on a Sunday night  when I really should be getting ready for my work week, picking out what to wear (so as to avoid Outfit Disaster), and making sure I have enough clean underwear to get me through Friday. Instead, I am writing this at 10 pm on a Sunday night because it is the only time I have to do it. As always, the needs of others come before mine, and I constantly remind myself that this is but a season in my life - the season of the Needs of Others Come Before Mine.

Although I sometimes get frustrated by this particular season of my life, for the most part, I'm pretty accepting of it given the many blessings that frustration is wrapped up in. So, what I have learned to do is hustle and shuffle and find ways to make more efficient use of the time I do have. Enter: Walmart.

Yes, I am talking about that place - the one that, from the moment you enter, oratorily murders you with screaming children, visually assaults you with messy, crowded aisles, and rapes your fashion sense with its Rollback! 3 for $10! t-shirts made of combustible fabric.

This will not do.

Still, sacrifice  your senses and look beyond all of that, and you will find that Walmart is a veritable goldmine of time efficiency. This Saturday, for example, after glancing at myself in the mirror and realizing my brows were dangerously approaching Martin Scorcese-ness, I decided I could no longer put myself last, not for one moment longer. But, I also knew that I had some serious weekend kid shuttling to do, and had to make sure we had our Sunday breakfast fixings in the 'fridge, and had to learn a bunch of new music for a gig that night, AND had to actually shave and paint my toenails for the first time in forever for that gig. I knew that if I was going to find the time to de-forest my brows, I was going to have to get creative. So, to Walmart I drove, kid and kid's friend in tow. I mean, where else could I get my brows perfected, buy bread for breakfast, and, replace that bra whose hooks I had hammered into shape three times already? ALL AT THE SAME TIME?

Of course, it being Saturday, the lot was packed to capacity, cars parked frighteningly close to one another. I circled my way around the lot several times, dodging shoppers and their carts, which were packed mountain-high with toilet paper, Legos, socks and eggs - a combination only a Walmart cart could contain. My time dwindling, I finally just parked a mile away, and dragged the girls through the lot to the store. In record time I was able to weave through the crowds and get my brows threaded at a Rollback price, buy bread and eggs and juice and shampoo, and  get my receipt cheerfully "approved" by the Greeter/Good-bye-er at the door. Done! Just like that! And I even had time to stop and get a donut for S and her friend as a reward for sitting on those torn, pleather chairs so patiently as Suneela ripped my brow hairs from their surprised roots.

Say what you will about Walmart and infamous scenes like this:

and this:

...but as a busy mother and wife and general liver of life, I know the truth: At Walmart? You really do save money, and live better. And get plenty of entertainment in the process.