The Finger is So 80's

So this morning I was pulling out of a parking lot into the street, and the nose of my car jutted a little farther out into the street than I guess noses of cars are supposed to jut, because this woman in a sweet little powder blue Mercedes acted as if she thought I was going to crash into her. I say “thought” because I totally saw her and had no intention of crashing into her at all. I was clearly stopped and politely waiting for her to pass by, but she felt like creating a movie in her mind, and had to throw in a dramatic swerve and a hysterical horn symphony accompaniment for full effect. And then, THEN, she had to do that thing that annoys the ever lovin’ crap out of me, and that is when offended drivers – often offended not because the perceived offender actually did anything truly offensive, but because the offended hadn’t gotten laid in too many days, or their husband is a jerk, or their kid had just made them go all exorcist 5 minutes before – anyway, the offended drivers sloooooow down their car, and, in some freakish mime-like way, begin to shout obscenities though the glass, their faces twisting up into a jacked-up Marcel Marceau frenzy, their fists wildly declaring war, all while continuing to drive in that scary, slow-mo, drive-by shooting kind of way, and you – the supposed offender –sit there and alternate between wondering if you should duck and wondering when the hell they are going to just GO already so you can get on with your day.

Meanwhile, the offended driver? Has created another offended driver. Because the person behind their slow-mo drive-by ass is now pissed that they have had to slam on their brakes so the driver in front can have his conniption fit over some imagined offense. And thus begins the whole domino effect of pissed off, offended drivers, and really? I was just minding my own business, sipping on my ‘bucks, waiting for my turn to go. IS THAT SO WRONG?

~Patti