Thrown Under the Bus

by Cathy

"Kids say the darndest things."

So cute, so innocent and so...truthful. However, this so-called harmless honesty is not always the best policy.

The other day I was left to take Ari to her bi-weekly Kumon class - an academic summer camp of sorts that Joe signed her up for and was responsible for taking her to. Since I was not the one who sat through orientation on the way things work there, I got an ear-full when Ari showed up with only half of her workbooks completed and incompletely at that. After I got my instructional lecture from the director of the franchise, I made a note to self: always get involved in everything from the get-go.

Apparently, I wasn't the only parent that wasn't following directions. Ridden with guilt, or perhaps wanting to avoid the lecture from Ms. Trunchbull of Matilda, another mom volunteered to step into the line of fire.
"I promise, we'll be better about completing the workbooks too." She chuckled and looked at me as if wanting to commiserate. Then she added with a sigh, "It's like we're throwing our kids under the bus."

"The school bus!" I hooted as we both inappropriately broke out into fits of laughter.
The receptionist glared at us disapprovingly as she shoved even more workbooks into our kids' pouches.

 As if on cue, a dad and his young son walked into the waiting room and the boy plopped his pouch onto the receptionist's desk along with his book for the week. Without being prodded, he blurted out, "We didn't read that book."  
"Why not?" asked the receptionist.
"Because my dad forgot to read it to me." BAM! Under the bus!
"Hey!" retorted the dad quickly and in an effort to save his ass from being run over by said proverbial bus, he did what any other husband would do - he went into survival mode and threw his wife under it. "Mom was supposed to do that with you!" BAM! And she's not even there to defend herself.
Nice.

This tactic is nothing new. As parents, we are well aware the we are constantly being thrown under the bus by our own kids. Like if the phone rings and they get to it first and you tell them to say 'Mommy isn't home now,' of course, they say, "Sure. Hold on," and pass you the phone. BAM!

In the past week, Joe got thrown under the bus by each of our kids.

While dropping the kids off at a friend's house for a playdate, the little girl brought out some crocheted hotpads she made. As she was gushing on and on about how hard they were to make and didn't we looooove them??? Joe asks her if he can have one - just to be nice.

"I can use it for my morning cup of coffee!" he said politely.
The little girl's face lit up but quickly turned down when Bella screeched, "Whaaaat!?!?"
Everyone looked at Bella's oblivious face, contorted with confusion.
"Papi, you don't use hotpads for your coffee."
BAM! Thrown under the bus on Politeness Street.


Then, the other day he took Ari on a CTA bus and because he hadn't gotten a chance to fill up his bus card to comp her fare if necessary, he naturally lied about her age - even though he didn't have to because she was young enough. (Again, that survival mode kicking in.)
"How old is she?" asked the driver, just to be sure.
"Sheeeee's.....fooouuuurrrr," said Joe sounding rather unsure of himself.
Ari fists promptly fly to her hips and she blurts out, "Papi! I'm six!!"

BAM! Being thrown under the bus, WHILE ON the bus.

If kids can throw adults - their own parents - under the bus, they will have no qualms about throwing other kids under there either. This last Saturday, while waiting with Ari in a packed dance studio for Bella to finish her Nutcracker audition (yes, you heard right; and yes, it's still only August) she and Miche's four-year old son were finding ways to quell their boredom. Suddenly, we hear a loud crash near the reception desk. Miche instinctively jumps from her seat in time to hear her son say, "Uh oh." The large dry/erase board and the easel holding it up were both strewn face down on the floor. Ari was scolding him by repeating his name, in a manner which didn't allow him  to even think about throwing her under the bus for something she didn't do. Smart girl.
"What happened?" asked Miche.
"She let me do it," I overheard him say, not sure if he was trying to pin Ari or his sister, whom was nearby and he was squabbling with just seconds earlier.
 Now, if his response wasn't a clever way to attempt to get his little butt as far away from that oncoming bus, I don't know what is.

This is proof positive that throwing another under the bus is a natural, reflexive instinct we ALL resort to while in survival mode. Just keep in mind that that bus? Will always turn back around and come your way because it's forever traveling down a two-way street.