Restroom Reading

by Cathy

We are a family of readers. I have my books near my nightstand, the girls have a huge library in their bedroom to choose from for bedtime stories and Joe has his stack of reading material mainly in the restroom. Yeah, you heard right. Well, to be fair, we all have our fair share of reading materials in our restrooms.

Yes, I know it's called a "rest" room for a reason (it's also called a bathroom but we do more in there than bathe and it's also called a washroom but we do more in there than wash...you catch my drift) but who wants to sit there twiddling their thumbs impatiently waiting for nature to take its course? There's no time for resting or twiddling; we got shit to do (no pun, really). So, naturally, we placed magazine racks in each of our two bathrooms to appease our boredom. The pros: this promotes good reading habits and keeps our productivity momentum going. The cons: the bathrooms can be occupied for looooong stretches of time and we all know that's not good for our bottoms.

The other day as I turned a corner in our hallway, I stopped in my tracks at the sight through the bathroom door, which was slightly ajar. There stood Bella, pants around her knees, little moon shining, hunched over the magazine rack which sits right below the toilet paper holder. Thinking that she was fidgeting with changing the roll, I asked her if everything was okay and did she need any help?

"Do we have any real magazines in here?" she sighed in exasperation as she plopped a pile of magazines back down into the rack that is conveniently wedged next to the toilet.

"What do you mean, real magazines?" I said. "Aren't all of those real magazines?"

"Um..." began Bella as she lifted them one by one and presented them to me. "Wine Enthusiast...Bev Net...Bon Appetit...Imbibe....INC.....Wine Spectator....Fast Company...a Uline catalog...really?!?"

I laughed out loud. Yes, our bathroom library is pretty boring, even for me since it's basically Joe's stash.  Every so often, I'll throw in a "real" magazine but for the most part, it's these magazines and the occasional Reader.

"I mean, do we have any good magazines? You know, like Us Weekly, Glamour, InStyle, you know, something interesting?!" She sat back on the toilet in a huff.

"I don't think so, honey," I said sympathetically. (Sidenote: this is why I just bring my phone into the bathroom. But I don't like to promote this with my kids because the last time that happened, Bella's iPod fell into the toilet.)

"You can try digging through that whole stack and see what you find buried below, but I don't think you'll find those."

"I don't care, even if they're old! I just want to read something interesting!" she yelled, her voice trailing after me down the hallway.

"Why didn't you just go to your bathroom?" I asked.

"Because this was closer and I really had to go!"

Now their bathroom (the girls' bathroom) has a magazine rack that is stuffed with reading material more their speed. PB Teen and American Girl catalogs, Teen Vogue, Discovery Girls, the Pinkalicious and Whimpy Kid book series, etc.

Now at least Bella can muddle through and find something that can appease her reading appetite while she's in there doing her business. Ari? Cannot possibly read anything that is already in her bathroom, because she loooooves to make special requests - once she has already sat down to do her thing - about what she wants to read.

"Moooom! Can you bring me a book? Ooooh how about My Sweet Friends? And not..." she goes on to name all the books she doesn't want, as if I know them all. So I choose the first book I find and bring it in to her.

"Noooo! Not that one! Can you bring me Madeline? Or Eloise?"
 "Ari, really?!? No. If you want to read, you'll just have to read that one. I don't have time to be your personal bathroom book butler," I say as I walk off. The nerve! And she does that every. single. time.

So depending on which bathroom one chooses, they'll never be satisfied with the reading options in each. But one thing is for sure. No matter which bathroom I decide to use, I basically still need to bring my phone. If I don't, I'm pretty much left staring at the walls or redecorating the bathrooms in my head - and leaving women with that much time to think about that kind of stuff is a dangerous thing. Regardless,  I make a mental note to myself to pick up a home decorating magazine next time I'm out. Oh, and maybe a "real" magazine or two like In Touch or Star.