by Cathy
...you will undoubtedly run into someone you know
...the more you stand there chatting with that person, the more people you will run into and pretty soon, coffee hour at Target with your friends seems like a good idea
...you will pick up waaaaay more stuff than you need or ever intended to buy
...you will spend waaaaay more money than you ever thought you could afford
...you will get side-Targeted
...the randomness of the things you throw in your cart will make you very self-aware. A garden hose and a new pair of sandals?A car air freshener and a kids piggy bank? A panama hat and some diapers?
...you get chic for cheap (designer brand whore, anyone?)
...and if you bring your kids...fugetaboutit. You'll snap and go broke all at once
...you'll end up having Pizza Hut for dinner, then for dessert, a coffee and a scone from Starbucks. Why would you ever want to leave?
...you will dig through plenty of clearance shelves and racks to assemble a hodgepodge of random stuff that's "Cute! I'll need it some day."
...you will encounter the quintessential Saturday Night Live cashier. (Sadly, SNL doesn't post excerpts of many of its skits on YouTube but you can check out a home recorded version of the SNL Target Lady skit here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AadELglfRxw).
I had one the other day that announced every item of mine she was scanning: "Pickles...oooh peaches...Cheerios!" As she was scanning my 1,001 items, I confessed to her that of course, I only came in for milk and now look - a packed conveyor belt of stuff.
She commiserated knowingly and said: "That's the number one thing my customers say! Ya come in for some avocados then ya end up buyin' lingerie! Everything is so strategically placed...I know 'xactly what you're talkin' about!" she sang. "Lysol...nail polish...pizza!" Upon handing me my last bag, her hand got tangled up in it but she didn't miss a beat. "Ooooh!" she laughed. "Just take me with you then! Ha! Ya got any wine at home?"
"I always have wine at home," I egged her on.
"Well then I'm definitely goin' with you! Ha ha!"
And lastly, if you're at target long enough...
...you will discover why it's fittingly called Target. (Kudos to the marketing genius that came up with this one.) It's because you, yes YOU, the unassuming consumer, are the Target! You are the target for everything about Target that sucks you in! BAM! You've been Targeted.
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