by Cathy
Just a few short days back from our trip to Mexico, I sat in the kitchen on a Sunday morning, sipping my coffee and relishing the calm before the storm: back to school, back to work, heck...kids waking up. I trolled through Facebook to help me relax and start off one of my last few days of rest in a mindless state.
A local news station had posted a story about a girl in a wheelchair in Oregon who had to call the fire department to swat a GIANT spider that had somehow entered her home. At first glance of the pic, the critter didn't look very intimidating. However, zoomed in, that sucker was huge. And apparently, it was a rare, venomous type that could kill with its bite. Ironically, one of the girls' aunts was recently hospitalized after a spider bite. Note to self: hold off on visiting Oregon.
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| Courtesy: ABC News Chicago |
I went through the rest of my day doing laundry, changing sheets, reorganizing, cleaning, and basically the hectic hell you go through once back from vacation, which immediately cancels out your vacation.
I found the car charger for the DVD player in the kitchen and went on a hunt to find the DVD player case which we had taken on our trip. After much searching, I spotted it in the corner of our living room on the floor. I picked it up, opened the velcro flap and immediately flung the case back down to the floor and let out a sharp, brief yelp. My skin was crawling with goosebumps. As if by power of The Secret, along came a spider...this time in my home in Chicago.
"Oh my God, oh my God, hurry up, hurry up get me something!" I urgently yelled at my clueless tween, sitting at the dining room table nearby humming along to some iTunes song while finishing a school project. She didn't move. The spider had flung off the case in the impact and was crawling along the edge of our area rug. This was the biggest spider I had ever seen in our house - not as big as the one in Oregon, but it sure looked like it at the moment. It was bulky and brown and just ewwwwww!
"Give me something to whack it with!"
"Huh?" turned Bella towards me. "What's going on?"
Arianna rushed into the room. "What's going on? Mommy, what's going on? What's happening?"
I had to take matters into my own hands. With a burst of energy, I leaped like a superhero over our sectional in one fell swoop and dove for the September issue of Glamour sitting nearby, with several pages cut out and strewn about. Thank God for heavy, September issues.
"That's for my collage!" yelled Arianna.
Without saying another word, I whipped back around, shut my eyes and slammed that ugly thing with all my might, simultaneously killing the beautiful Louis Vuitton handbag ad on the back page.
The girls stood speechless to take it all in and then Bella lets out the loudest screech I've ever heard - and that's saying a lot. "AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhOMGaaaaahhhhhhhhEwwEwwEwww that is the worst thing I've ever seen!"
"It's a spider Bella!"
"Ewwww, there's a big red splotch on the floor! Ewwww, ewww!" She was horrified.
"The spider was big but it was brown, not red. Get me some toilet paper!"
I waited over the spider to make sure it was completely dead and not half-assed dead. Still no toilet paper was brought since she was in a corner freaking out.
"Really?? I killed it! It's dead!"
I walked back over to pick up the splattered spider and finally saw it. There was a dried, red rose petal sitting right next to the mess. I began laughing out loud.
"Um, Bella...you saw a rose petal, not the spider."
"Huh?" she came in hopeful.
"That was a petal from the flowers papi got me for my birthday in Mexico. I had pressed them into the magazine and it flew out when I killed it."
She let out the biggest sigh ever. "Oh my God, oh my God, I thought it was the spider!"
No wonder she freaked. That would have been traumatizing if that had been the spider. She walked away relieved, yet still pale.
I wiped away the mess and was paranoid the entire rest of the day, waiting to spot giant, lurking spiders in any corner of any room, taking my phone with me everywhere I went, with my hand on the dial pad, ready to call the fire department at a moment's notice.
